Learning how to set healthy boundaries
Posted by Mirela Mendoza on
I often think women are superheroes. We can manage so many tasks at the same time: from work to kids, to keeping a household and finding time for ourselves. And it can be a lot! We are always trying to fulfill the needs of those we love, that constant need to achieve so much and please everyone around us often leaves us feeling exhausted.
Saying "yes" is a powerful tool that can open many doors. You can get out of your comfort zone, start chasing your dreams or live an extraordinary experience that will help you grow. But when you start saying yes to everything, this tool becomes a burden. How many times did you wish you had said "no" to that second date or that late hours project your boss asked your help with?
We are constantly saying yes to requests even when deep down we can't genuinely take on one more task. We want to help others, do something nice or ascend in our careers; but how productive can you be when you are constantly feeling worn out? It's impossible to be available for anyone all the time, even when we miraculously manage to please everyone we forget about the most important person: ourselves.
I always say that in order for everything to be ok, you must feel well first. If you don't set healthy boundaries you'll end up tired, grumpy, unmotivated and sick. Setting boundaries is a skill we must learn, relearn and continually be reminded of. Sometimes, as mothers and wives, we have a hard time holding on to boundaries even though we know it’s in our families' best interest. Kids will learn about responsibilities if we teach them how to be more independent or help with the chores. Your husband can be a great source of support if you learn how to communicate your needs.
Boundaries are an extraordinary way to improve your focus, your productivity and even the time you spend with your loved ones. Sometimes saying no means you can spend a little more time with your kids, have a relaxing moment for yourself or finishing some pending task! Here are some tips that can help you.
Realize that you have the right to set boundaries
It's not your job to please everyone! Even at home, you have the right to say no. Sometimes you can't cancel your meeting or reschedule that doctor's appointment. Work as a team and communicate your needs and plans.
Make a schedule and ask everyone to respect it
Assigning a specific time for your tasks will increase your productivity. One of the problems with the lack of boundaries is that you end up focusing on too many things at the same time. If you make a plan for the day, try to keep it. That way you won't end up answering emails at the grocery store or running 30 minutes late to dinner because of an unscheduled meeting.
Set some time for yourself
Your time is valuable! You shouldn't feel guilty because you don't want to skip a workout or you need an hour to meditate, read and relax. Working on yourself is as important as your job or picking up the kids.
Don’t beat yourself up
If you have to say no, be respectful and make the other person understand why. Don't be so hard on yourself, remember that this is a way to maintain healthy relationships and, in the end, will be the best for everyone.
Remember, nothing should stop you from speaking up and standing firm for yourself when you need it most. It’s all about keeping a balance in your life that allows you to become the person you want to be and achieve something extraordinary.
In which situations do you find it harder to say NO? I'd love to read your comments!